A Love Letter on Gardening

Tucked into the recesses of my closet sit two paper handled gift bags. They hold the cards and letters written to me, by my mother, over the course of my grown up life. Many of the cards look like they were chosen for a child, with their innocent images and envelopes smothered with stickers, but they were written for me...the adult little girl... who never stopped wanting or needing the words of  love, encouragement, and reassurance offered by a caring, insightful mother.

 

When I was in my late twenties, reeling from a divorce that had left me broken hearted and disillusioned, my mother wrote "Contentment Gardening & Happiness Butterflies." It was the first and only time one of her letters came with a title...instead of a greeting. Handwritten and over ten pages in length, it was a labor of love and a true testament to the bond we shared. It redirected my outlook, all those years ago, and it continues to serve as a source of inspiration... to this day.

 

On Mother's Day...in honor of my mom (Mickey) as well as moms everywhere and the transformative role they play in our lives...I'd like to share parts of this heartfelt letter.

 

 

 Contentment Gardening & Happiness Butterflies

 

  "Butterfly is a good metaphor for happiness, because if you chase happiness too hard, it eludes you and if you ever try and hold on to it, you destroy it. The high of happiness is indeed like a butterfly - something beautiful and delightful to behold - something you always remember. Everyone chases the happiness butterflies but all this futile chasing wears people out - makes some disillusioned and frustrates others - because they are trying to capture something that can't be captured.

 

But there is a way to glimpse and enjoy the butterflies. (I didn't say... "all of the time" or "catch" or "put in a bottle." ) The trick is to make a garden of contentment to lure the butterflies in. You see you can control your garden of contentment to a much greater degree than you can control the butterflies of happiness. Oh sure, sometimes you get flooded out and there are weeds of character to be gotten rid of and there are garden pests to spray for. However, if you can decide what you want in your garden and you work and think and study - you can have a pretty nice garden for yourself. You've learned a lot about gardening already. Your Daddy and I taught you a lot about gardening when you were little. We were good gardeners and there were lots of real butterflies that came to our garden. Because you were  young, you probably thought they belonged to you and you would just naturally always have a good supply.

 

As you grew, things continued to bloom in your garden and the happiness butterflies flitted round and round. The day D came into your life - with him came the most beautiful butterflies in all the world. They were the first love butterflies - the butterflies of sheer delight. They seem hearty at first but they need great tending and they often don't live long. D wasn't much for gardening but when your Daddy wasn't there, any longer, to help us garden - D pitched in and gave us a hand. We gardened together but we should have noticed the butterflies were fewer and fewer. Some never came back after your Daddy passed away and I think you panicked and started to try and catch the butterflies. And, of course, the harder you tried, the more you drove them out of your garden. When D left,  your garden of contentment turned brown overnight. The climate was so bad. The winds of depression blew out any odd butterfly that might have been in the area and the rains of tears beat on the character flowers. Worse than the destruction was a terrible weed that ran like a choking ground cover over everything. It was the self doubt you felt and the blame you placed on yourself.

 

You'd never really gardened alone before - but you decided to try it. And though it was a lot of work and growing conditions still weren't good - you got your garden started again. And your garden is doing fine. The intelligence and character flowers are especially healthy. You always worked hard to cultivate them. And as a result - you've always enjoyed the happiness butterflies of your teaching job. You need to sow a few seeds of thrift and there's a few cut worms of self-pity that you need to spray for. But on the whole things are flourishing. 

 

Mainly, you need two things. The first is patience. You tend to want everything to grow and bloom overnight. And if it doesn't, you pull everything up and start over. Well, that isn't necessary. Try pinching off and pruning back. And wait...wait just a little longer. Growing and flowering takes time. And you need to have faith. Faith in yourself. Look at your successful crops - not at your failures. And remember that while some of the blame for crop failure lies with the gardener - not all does. There are things that you can't control. Have faith in the miracle of the growing season. As bad as the weather gets and as dark as the night is - you'll always have one more growing season...one more chance... as long as you'll take it.

 

So, continue being a determined gardener and one day, when you're sitting in your garden just appreciating all that surrounds you - the butterflies will come and in a goodly number. And no one will be happier for you, than me, because ... you see, the happiness butterflies in my garden are definitely because of you.

 

I love you,

Momie"