The Determined....The Brave....The 60%

Every year, almost 200 million Americans (yep, that's 60% of us) create New Year's Resolutions but only 6 million actually see those resolutions come to fruition. A practice with a dismal success rate and yet it prevails! How else, but determined and brave, can I describe  resolution-setters? Yeah...I hear some of your suggestions.... but I'm sticking with my adjectives because I'm in that group choosing to  follow a ritual that supposedly has its roots in pre-Christian days. I write New Year's resolutions every year.

Last year, I wrote a very special resolution. Having a little shop and a blog named for my mom, who wrote a letter a day for over 50 years,  I thought I would take up that habit, myself, for just a year. As a child, I had watched with curiosity as my mother carried out her beloved letter writing ritual. She used to tell stories of how I would climb up in the chair next to her, ask for a piece of paper and pencil, then proceed to write rows of the curly scribbles classic for most preschoolers. As I got older, I delighted in watching her carefully choose the card or stationary that would carry her words of friendship and love. Always awed at the magnitude of her compassion and empathy, I would listen as she explained why she felt compelled to send this or that card. "This one is for Mary" she would say, "Mary lost her husband over a year ago. Most people will have stopped sending cards by now but I bet she could still use some encouragement." Over the years, I heard so many people express their appreciation for my mother's faithful notes of love, caring and encouragement.  For some, those notes were monumental is helping them through rough times in their lives.

I don't think it's surprising that I  decided to try and follow in my mother's letter writing footsteps. After all, I'd seen that practice modeled for my entire life, seen how it had touched people's lives, and I typically sent cards of celebration or condolences to my friends anyway. What is surprising is that I was so clueless about what a massive task I was undertaking. By February, I was already eight cards behind. I'd get caught up only to fall behind again.  If there were no calendared dates to celebrate, I would need to search my head for events I knew my friends were engaged in. "Are you enjoying your promotion?"  "How's yoga class progressing?"  I actually loved trying to remember special events going on in friends' lives but there were times when it felt a bit contrived. "Please, doesn't somebody need a card?  I need to send 10 by tomorrow!!!"  Still I persevered.

At the end of 2013, I was not able to say that I had seen my resolution to perfect completion. But regardless of my struggles and stumbles along the way, I still learned a lot about myself and the art of letter writing. Even more significant (for me) were the valuable truths it reinforced:

• Failure is relative... I wrote a total of 205 letters...56% of my goal. Reminding 205 friends that they matter to my life can't be considered a failure regardless of what the numbers say.
• Things that matter the most need to be a priority...Seems like a no-brainer but when I started writing in January, I told myself that I'd easily find 30 minutes  a day to write a letter. I rarely found that half-hour until I scheduled it into my daily routine.
• Never Never Give Up... Even though I'd already fallen behind by the end of January, I didn't give up.  There aren't many things that are as important to me as celebrating friendships and honoring my mother's letter writing legacy so I just kept forging ahead. I'm going to continue writing in 2014.

Some of us choose to write resolutions or goals and others do not. But each of us, in our own way, attempts to fill our days with pursuits that bring us pride and joy and remind us of the things that we value the most, in our lives. It's been said that genuine success originates in the heart. I believe that's  true.

                                                                                                                                                                                                    




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A Mickeyism for January

Of the one hundred and fifty million resolutions that fail every year, one-third of them have been broken and abandoned by the end of January. A discouraging fact if it's December and you are just giving consideration to your New Year's resolution and clearly not much encouragement, if it's closing in on January 31, and your will power is waning.

I've had an amazing experience, so far, attempting to write a letter a day but it hasn't always been an easy journey. Yes, there have been days when I've had plenty of time to write and the words came easy. Other days, I have torn up completed letters because the writing felt forced and days when I just couldn't find the time to write. Although  abandoning the resolution has never been an option for me, I have definitely felt the frustration of encountering set backs. Words of wisdom, spoken by my mother decades ago, have kept me going.

My mother was a list-maker extraordinaire. She kept lists of books she wanted to read, topics she wanted to explore, corners of the house she wanted to clean... the list of her lists goes on and on. Her daily activities were guided by a To Do List which she lovingly wrote each morning and joyfully attempted to eradicate during the day. I sensed its importance from the time I was old enough to climb up in the chair, next to her, and watch her write. One day, curious as to what kind of punishment she must certainly impose if she didn't complete that all important list, I asked her what happened in those cases. "Nothing", she replied with a smile, "you can never be a slave to your lists."

Courtesy of Google Images

                                                          
As I see it, a resolution and a to-do list are similar. They both identify behaviors we're sure will improve the quality of our lives and failing to follow through brings disappointment. My mother just reasoned that persistence would be more effective than punishment. No nagging, negative self-talk for her. She'd simply pick up where she left off and carry on.

 The letter writing has already brought me immeasurable joy. Now, at the end of the week, I'm going to focus on the joy I have gotten in composing those letters and ignore the nagging reminders, in my head, of the letters that I still need to write. Cheering about the (slightly less) than 31 letters I have completed is definitely easier than contemplating the 300+ I have yet to write.

By the way...that wise mom of mine never wrote resolutions...just lists.

Priorities

I struggled to write this post, today, as I was anxious to continue with the details of my resolution writing plans but something kept getting in the way. Then I realized that there is something incredibly important, that I need to clarify before I progress a step further. My mother's letter writing routine and my letter writing resolution will never really be about just composing and sending letters. They are both about identifying the things that are important in our lives and aligning our actions to reflect those values.

My mother's letter writing ritual started as a simple way to stay in touch with long distance friends but it turned into a personal and unique way of reminding those she loved, near and far, of their importance in her life. And in doing that, it also allowed her to dedicate a part of her life, everyday, to one of the values that she held closest to her heart....the value of friendship.

With my resolution, I want to pay tribute to my mom and the magical way that she always made everyday activities, like celebrating friendships, beautiful and pleasurable. Personally, I want to be more consistent about remembering friends' special days and communicating how important they are to my life. And, if  along the way, I encourage others to write a letter to someone special in their lives, that will make my journey even more meaningful.