When a Habit Originates in the Heart

Every year, as National Letter Writing Week (second week in January) rolls around, I feel compelled to comment on my mother's life long routine of daily letter writing. In part, because mickeysjoy is dedicated to this particular joy of my mother's but it also seems so appropriate to a time of year when people typically set new goals in an effort to improve their lives and then struggle to keep them.

My mother's letter writing began at a time when long distance communication was limited to the mailed letter or calls made using an impractical and often expensive telephone service. It wasn't a part of a lofty goal or a New Year's resolution. (Mickey didn't write New Year's resolutions.) She simply missed her family and her friends and wanted them to know they were in her thoughts. What started as a simple act of staying in touch turned into a habit of celebrating friendships that lasted her entire life even when technology provided more efficient forms of communication. It was truly a habit born of her heart.

Aristotle proclaimed, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act but a habit."

If the resolutions, we choose, are meant to establish goals we perceive will improve our lives, then we need to choose those goals with care. They need to reflect our values... not the the things of worth that society or well-meaning acquaintances dictate. The steps necessary to achieve those goals might take some serious brain work but, I believe the resolutions themselves, needs to reflect something we simply find significant in our hearts.  Maybe then, those resolutions will turn into actions we stick to for more than a few weeks. Actions that result in personal excellence. Just a thought... arising from looking at the way my mom lived her life. And something I need to remember, myself.

Happy New Year!

Write a Letter...It's Your Chance to Touch the Future

One of my most treasured keepsakes is a letter that  my Grandmother received from her brother, in 1942, while he was serving in the United States Army. It's just a short, single-sided note commenting on the weather in Virginia and how he feared his little hometown wouldn't be the same when he returned. But that brief note, with a little background on the writer's life, gives me a connection with him I might have otherwise missed.
 

 

 

Sadly, I never met my Grandmother Mary (my mother's mother) or her brother (my mother's Uncle Grant) as they both had passed away before I was born. Growing up, I heard many stories about my Grandmother, saw her pictures, and evidenced a bit of  her creativity in the numerous embroidered tea-towels and pillow cases around our home. Over the years, I felt like I had come to know quite a bit about this happy, loving woman who delighted in her family, and like me, her elementary school students.

"Uncle Grant" was my mother's favorite uncle and she had fond stories of  their times together when she was a child. I still have a small bookcase that he built for her when she was a child...a creation undoubtedly motivated by more than his love of wood working. But the stories of Uncle Grant were typically tinged with a bit of sadness. My mother had always said the Uncle Grant was never really the same after the war. I'm sure no one is really the same after a war but the fact that he became somewhat defined by that has always haunted me.





Now, as I hold his letter in my hands, looking at his neatly penciled sentences, I can't help but wonder if his concerns about his hometown being different upon his return weren't reflections of his own personal changes. Was he a new or seasoned soldier, at this point? I don't even know. All I really know is that I am holding a letter that was personal correspondence between two people who were family. Two people who had their own personal struggles...as we all do. Two people who never had a chance to love me, but because of stories and pictures, I have loved for the majority of my life. If only they would have known that their memory, their legacy, would live on for decades to come - celebrated by a girl they never knew.





Our lives are short and, I suspicion, too often end with words unsaid. I know the handwritten letter will never replace the efficiency of the technological e-mail or text. It shouldn't. But maybe it's time for the hand-written letter to be revived, not simply as a way to say "hello" but as a way to share a bit of ourselves for those who will go ahead of us.  It might be our children or a young friend or perhaps someone we don't even yet know who will one day hope to better understand a person they have come to love.

The Determined....The Brave....The 60%

Every year, almost 200 million Americans (yep, that's 60% of us) create New Year's Resolutions but only 6 million actually see those resolutions come to fruition. A practice with a dismal success rate and yet it prevails! How else, but determined and brave, can I describe  resolution-setters? Yeah...I hear some of your suggestions.... but I'm sticking with my adjectives because I'm in that group choosing to  follow a ritual that supposedly has its roots in pre-Christian days. I write New Year's resolutions every year.

Last year, I wrote a very special resolution. Having a little shop and a blog named for my mom, who wrote a letter a day for over 50 years,  I thought I would take up that habit, myself, for just a year. As a child, I had watched with curiosity as my mother carried out her beloved letter writing ritual. She used to tell stories of how I would climb up in the chair next to her, ask for a piece of paper and pencil, then proceed to write rows of the curly scribbles classic for most preschoolers. As I got older, I delighted in watching her carefully choose the card or stationary that would carry her words of friendship and love. Always awed at the magnitude of her compassion and empathy, I would listen as she explained why she felt compelled to send this or that card. "This one is for Mary" she would say, "Mary lost her husband over a year ago. Most people will have stopped sending cards by now but I bet she could still use some encouragement." Over the years, I heard so many people express their appreciation for my mother's faithful notes of love, caring and encouragement.  For some, those notes were monumental is helping them through rough times in their lives.

I don't think it's surprising that I  decided to try and follow in my mother's letter writing footsteps. After all, I'd seen that practice modeled for my entire life, seen how it had touched people's lives, and I typically sent cards of celebration or condolences to my friends anyway. What is surprising is that I was so clueless about what a massive task I was undertaking. By February, I was already eight cards behind. I'd get caught up only to fall behind again.  If there were no calendared dates to celebrate, I would need to search my head for events I knew my friends were engaged in. "Are you enjoying your promotion?"  "How's yoga class progressing?"  I actually loved trying to remember special events going on in friends' lives but there were times when it felt a bit contrived. "Please, doesn't somebody need a card?  I need to send 10 by tomorrow!!!"  Still I persevered.

At the end of 2013, I was not able to say that I had seen my resolution to perfect completion. But regardless of my struggles and stumbles along the way, I still learned a lot about myself and the art of letter writing. Even more significant (for me) were the valuable truths it reinforced:

• Failure is relative... I wrote a total of 205 letters...56% of my goal. Reminding 205 friends that they matter to my life can't be considered a failure regardless of what the numbers say.
• Things that matter the most need to be a priority...Seems like a no-brainer but when I started writing in January, I told myself that I'd easily find 30 minutes  a day to write a letter. I rarely found that half-hour until I scheduled it into my daily routine.
• Never Never Give Up... Even though I'd already fallen behind by the end of January, I didn't give up.  There aren't many things that are as important to me as celebrating friendships and honoring my mother's letter writing legacy so I just kept forging ahead. I'm going to continue writing in 2014.

Some of us choose to write resolutions or goals and others do not. But each of us, in our own way, attempts to fill our days with pursuits that bring us pride and joy and remind us of the things that we value the most, in our lives. It's been said that genuine success originates in the heart. I believe that's  true.

                                                                                                                                                                                                    




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Lead with my Heart...Follow with the Pen

The first week, in my new letter writing adventure, began with a couple of birthday letters. Easy enough. Then I turned to my basket of Christmas cards, filled with newsy notes, received during the holiday season. It felt good to respond to those notes, acknowledging all that had happened throughout the previous year.

When I first started planning my writing goal, I had all sorts of questions that needed to be answered. If I wrote a letter a day, would that include week-ends? Would it count if I wrote to people other than friends and family? Since I didn't have 365 people in my address book, could I write to someone more than once?  How would I determine who I would write to each day?  

After answering the other questions, I have decided that I don't want a methodical plan for determining who will receive my next letter. I know that special dates and situations will dictate when some letters are sent and who will receive them. If I am really trying to write from my heart, I suspect that too much analyzing and too much of a system might be counterintuitive. If I really want to try and compose a letter that might nurture as well as communicate, I need to just trust my feelings and let my heart take the lead.

Sir, more than kisses,

letters mingle souls;

For, thus

friends, absent speak.

 

   John Donne 1598



                                                                             





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365 Letters in 52 Weeks

So, that's it...my resolution is to compose one handwritten letter for every day of the new year. To comfortably reach this goal, I'll need to write about seven letters a week but not necessarily a letter a day. It's important to me that I enjoy the process of writing and that I'm not freaking out because it's closing in on midnight and I haven't given a thought to the letter of the day. 

Responding to e-mails won't count and neither will sending a card intending to recognize a special occasion, with just my signature. However, I anticipate that I will be writing lots of birthday, anniversary, and get well letters. I'm not going to be specific about the length of the letter as it's easy for me to be as chatty, with my pen in hand, as it is to be chatty face to face. I'll simply be writing from the heart...lots of times.

 

A new year is sort of a journey of unknown destination. You assume you are certain of your course only to have the path lead you directions you never planned or imagined. I'm assuming my resolution will be much the same. But with my pen in hand, I am ready for the adventure.

 

Happy New Year!

 

 



                                  












       

A Lesson from Grandpa

My mother cranked down the
window, in the back seat of the old car,
and casually tossed her gum
wrapper into the breeze.
Moments later, the car was being

 guided to the side of the road and
my mother directed to retrieve her trash.

 

"Oh Daddy," my mother whined,
 "it's just a little piece of paper."
 

"The countryside
will soon be filled with trash," my
grandfather warned, "if everyone
tosses  little pieces of paper
 out of the window."

It was the early 1930s. 
My mother was about six years old.

 

 My parents raised me much the way my mother's parents had raised her... a rare spanking, the occasional restriction, and what seemed like, endless lessons about  personal and social responsibility. It was never about other's opinions of my actions ....it was always about how my actions would affect them. There were times when a good spanking would have been easier.

 I guess it was only a matter of time before I began to contemplate the amount of paper my seemingly harmless letter writing resolution could generate. I wasn't about to abandon my resolution because of a concern over adding to the landfill, but I knew I needed to give this issue some thought.

My solution? A sweet, sentimental one that will, understandably, sound weird to some people.  If you knew my mom, you'd understand. Letter writing was such a regular part of my mom's life that she had drawers of stationary and note cards. I've saved a lot of them...tucked  into a box...stored away...thinking someday it would be easier to toss them out. I didn't think I'd ever write enough letters to use them up. Now, I just might.

Just one of my possible note card and stationery choices for January.

 

 

 

 

 







 



 








 

 

 

 

 



 



 



Making Mickey's Joy My Own... A Resolution

 

 

The Art of Letter Writing, my new calendar for 2013, recently arrived in the mail. The monthly images are all works of art, from various galleries and private collections, depicting men and women writing letters. Each month features a delightful vintage image, and the appropriate name of the month, and the days of the week all written in five different languages. I instantly loved the layout and the look of the calendar but it was the message on the back of the calendar that, for me, was a personal call to action.

                                                      
There was a time when

writing letters was our

only means of communicating.

In these days of phones, e-mail,

and text messages, letters can seem

hopelessly outdated.

But it's an art worth bringing back;

letters create a connection

that modern, impersonal forms

of communication will never approach.

 

My mother's dedication to the hand written note began long before I was born. By the time I was old enough to understand how committed she was to staying in touch with loved ones, her letter writing routine was well established. I heard people, throughout my life, tell my mom how her birthday wishes, letters of encouragement,  messages of sympathy, or just thinking of you notes had touched their lives. I saw the joy it brought to both the writer and recipient. It's sadly ironic that I have not been a more faithful letter writer, myself.

After reading the message printed on the back of the calendar, I decided that I was going to make a New Year's Resolution to do my part to help revive "an art worth bringing back" and continue my mom's legacy... if only for a year. I haven't worked out the details but I figure that I have about  four weeks to determine exactly how that resolution will look. Yes, I recognize resolution writing isn't brain surgery but I want to make sure it's an attainable challenge even if it will require time and effort. Besides, I am the classic compliant child who always has to be clear on boundaries...even if they are self imposed. On top of that, it is December, when those quiet thinking moments aren't always easy to snatch. 

Monday will be the day that I post about my resolution writing progress.That will still give me a few days, each week, to share a craft idea or a fond memory. I'd love for you to follow my journey. It should be interesting as I've never given this much thought to a resolution, in my life, and perhaps no one ever should. But my mother gifted me with so many wonderful  life lessons and touched so many people's lives through her letter writing that I feel compelled to do this.

Possibly, with a beautiful thematic calendar, as a constant reminder and your help as cheerleaders, this will be the year that I can truly make Mickey's joy my own. Wish me luck!